What Might Have Been
by Rennie75
Summary: Yes, another therapeutic 2x13 aftermath ramble from me! This is just a short one-shot from Felicity's POV - a little less angst and a little more empowering this time (at least I think so)!


**AN** – Ok, I know I've done the 2x13 aftermath already but truthfully I was never satisfied with the whole second Felicity chapter in Saying Goodbye. As I'm now posting my stories on AO3 I wanted to rework that chapter and this is what came out! I just really need to be able to have Felicity reconciled with the whole Sara thing and I need it to be in a strong, good way so here we go again!

**AN2** – I have already burdened my beta (the lovely and talented Mic Riddy) with another whole Felicity story so I winged it alone this time! You'll no doubt want Mic back for future stories but for now you just have to deal with me! :)

**DISCLAIMER** – Not mine but I do keep obsessively playing anyway!

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Oliver and Sara had sex in the lair. Oliver and Sara are together (again). Oliver and Sara had dinner with the whole Lance family. Sara was now a Team Arrow member. These facts just kept repeating like a mantra inside Felicity's head for days, weeks really. Felicity still couldn't wrap her brain around all the recent developments and that was when she thought Moira Queen was her only problem! Oliver was certainly struggling and he was out a lot (presumably with Sara) which was actually a good thing as it allowed time and distance for Felicity to get a grip on her own thoughts and feelings.

She felt alone, betrayed, and pretty useless as more yet superheroes joined Team Arrow. She also felt angry and bitter personally and while that was directed mostly at Oliver some was reserved for Sara as well. No promises had been made between her and Oliver but with everything that had happened over the last year she felt justified in wanting to use his and Sara's pictures for target practice…and for wanting to gain the skills so she could indulge in target practice. _A whole group of trained killers and she had to be the only one without skills_…Felicity grumbled to herself before she redirected her thoughts back to the problem at hand – Oliver!

The very secrets of their existence that kept them apart from everyone else actually bonded her and Oliver together so closely that all aspects of their daily lives were now intertwined and they were basically dependent upon one another. The lines defining their "friendship" had blurred ages ago and she had expectations, hopes and dreams of what else might be…until he had sex with Sara in their home.

Now Felicity wasn't sure what was real, wasn't sure where she stood or what the future held. Oliver said she would always have him but clearly he meant that differently than she had assumed...and she had _**assumed**_ _**A LOT**_ she realized. She couldn't stop believing he cared (still cares) but not in the way she thought, hoped. How could she trust him now? How could she trust herself?

Felicity realized she couldn't trust him…not with her heart anyway. He had chosen Sara and whether or not he meant to betray her trust didn't matter, the choice was still made. She had to accept that and make her own choice as she refused to be the girl who was his second choice (and certainly not his third or fourth choice after Laurel, Shado and Sara). She wasn't going to pine and wait for him to notice her…whatever she thought may have been was over now. But where did that leave her? Where did that leave them?

That left her angry, hurt, alone, and bitter…Felicity knew those feelings weren't going away anytime soon but she had to find a way to deal with them IF she wanted to stay on Team Arrow herself. Could she do her job(s) while seeing him and Sara together every day? Would his 'caring' be enough for her? Could she be just his friend? Could she let him be hers?

Felicity paused as she thought about the fact that their friendship wasn't just about her being there for him…she had to trust him to be there for her. She had chosen to let him in previously when her hopes and feelings guided her but could she choose to do it again now? Could she do it knowing him as he was and not as she hoped he would be?

Felicity knew Oliver saw himself as broken and unworthy as well dangerous, toxic even to those he loved. If she were completely honest, she had indulged in that view herself in recent days but that simply wasn't true. Yes, he clearly has issues and still had a journey of his own but he wasn't responsible for every bad thing that happened. He certainly didn't have power over her thoughts and feelings – Felicity was her own woman and she couldn't put all the blame on him.

There was no doubt Oliver was (and remains) a big part of her life as he had virtally single-handedly changed her life when he strolled into her IT office that day. He brought excitement and danger (sometimes too much), he challenged her and helped her become stronger, and he gave her a greater purpose. Felicity realized in that moment that despite recent issues, she liked who she had become and she liked her life. They had a mission that was bigger than them and she still believed in that! She also realized that she owed it to herself (not Oliver) to fight for that life and that meant finding a way to handle Oliver (and Sara) being a big part in her life.

_Partners!_ That had been his word but she had accepted it, gloried in it. She would have to accept that word now, again, even if the meaning was different.

As Felicity let that idea settle into her head and heart she felt the anger explode again. They were a Team or they were supposed to be but Oliver had been acting completely on his own. His relationship with Sara was his personal business (again, the lair was still wrong though) but bringing her onto the Team without discussing it was Team business. She (and John) had rights here too! Plus he pulled that stunt _after_ they'd had a similar discussion when he brought Roy in without telling them.

He may not return her less than platonic feelings but he owed her respect and trust. If their partnership was going to survive intact then they had to talk and he had to accept her as an equal…even if she lacked ninja skills, super strength or the last name Lance. He owed that to her and she wasn't accepting anything less!

Truly though, it really wasn't about Oliver and definitely not about Sara, it was just about her! Yes, Felicity saw things differently now without the rose colored glasses but that didn't mean she couldn't like what she saw. She saw herself as a strong woman who continued to grow and learn and had her own journey to make. She saw that she was part of something bigger than herself though, something that was making the City better even as it made her better. She wasn't perfect, Oliver wasn't perfect, the Team wasn't perfect but this was still her choice and her life.

Felicity realized that all she had, all anything of them had, was this very moment in time. Regardless of what she had hoped for the future, she wasn't willing to give up this moment for any dream of what might have been.

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**AN3** - I really am sorry to have burdened you guys with another 2x13 ramble but this one really did make me feel better and hopefully you guys got something out of it too! :)


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